I know it's super cliche to say that it's a memorable year with joy and tears, a year of growth and a year where I will never forget yadda yadda. So I'm going to be very honest, I think it's just another year that passed where I don't feel any different on 1/1/2019, maybe because there is no countdowns, no celebrations, just the same old me preparing for my mid course which happens every month.
I've finished my Year 1 and half of my Year 2 and I guess I did great so far. Not like super duper great as of course there are room of improvements where I sometimes tend to make silly mistakes and to miss out important points to be remembered but as an overall, I guess I'm more than satisfied with the journey I've gone through for this year. It's definitely not easy but hard work does pay off. I guess what worries me at this moment is still my capability in completing medical school as Professional exams and clinical years are approaching. I guess these are most medical student's biggest fear where we have to swallow back all our knowledge from Year 1 and 2 and to spit it all out for that one week at the end of Year 2, something we all call Pro exam for short. I guess you can only be pro enough to continue medical school only if you pass that exam.
The past year was pretty lesser burdened physically compared to 2017 I guess. Maybe because I've start taking life easier on studies and to learn to distribute my time so I can spend more time on weekends for my family. I remembered how when I just entered medical school and it was indeed super hardcore where I would even choose to stay indoors and study during the summer weekends but as time goes on, it makes me realise two things, one is that when I graduate one day, I would look back and realize how much fun I've missed out in medical school being a total book worm, I mean at the end of the day we don't really use all our knowledge and not all of it is suitable to be applied when we are out of the field one day, two is that I wouldn't really have the time to spend with my parents and my family as time progress, I will be so occupied with 24/7 stand by on calls, long hour of works etcetera. Life isn't going to be easy for everyone as we get older. I guess that's how the cycle of life works where our life starts off easy with the care and support of our parents, we were vulnerable and well protected, we kind of couldn't do anything but just study. Slowly when we grow a bit older, we tend to think that we are capable in doing but things wouldn't go as we always planned with us somehow just being put out from the ideal world into reality with almost 0 experience, yeap this age is pretty much the awkward stage of life. Life gets tougher with lots of lessons to be learnt along the way, we are young and restless and ready to face all things that life brings us to. Then when we finally start to think that life gets easier with all our experiences and upon reaching the peak of our career, we start to lose all our youth. Life is like that isn't it, we lose a bit of this and that but we gain a bit of this and that also as time goes, we can't get everything at the same time. Different stages of life brings different surprises to us, appreciate each step at each time.
With that I get to spend a lot of time with my family. I guess it's of what truly matters now in my life. Priorities differ to everyone, but to me, I'm more than happy if I get to spend one day more just to chill with them and watch movies together or have dinner outside. I'm trying my best to appreciate what I can afford to have now because I know I would definitely have lesser time as I am posted to other states in Year 3, but I will surely make things to be OK when I am back here posting in Year 4. I'm still very emotional as usual, still the type that would cry to every single farewell, literally even when my dad had to change a car and sell the old one again, I cried c: Clinical years would definitely be a challenge to me but I know I will make it through. I'm glad my parents are still healthy (actually healthier than me), and I'm praying for them to live well and healthy that yeap I don't think wishing longevity is practical, I think wishing for them to be healthy is better, I mean you wouldn't wanna be sick and super sick but live till a thousand years old right? Just my point of view and they agree to this. I'm also really happy that they get to travel to many countries together that they like, literally #relationshipgoals eventhough we couldn't make it (my bro and my holidays just never be the same) but it's super cute to see them all happy and enjoying themselves like the puppy love stage. It's cuter that they would miss us and kept mentioning how they kept thinking of us when they see some kids that they said look like us (maybe they really miss us too much). I'm amazed by how sweet they are and they would definitely be my favourite couple. How can I live without them? Sometimes, I felt that they really don't remember that we are not that little anymore, we are not the little kid naive and afraid to enter class, we are not the little kid that still needs them to hold and lead when crossing a road. We are all grown up but we will always still be the little baby that doesn't grow up. It's cruel isn't it, how time has changed everything. It hurts sometimes to see them catching up with their age. I sometimes felt the more capable I am, the lesser they are. The stronger I am, the weaker they are. Time is running out, while we are grumbling and complaining with everything, they are getting more tired but they still try to meet our expectations. When we are filled with joy, they are contented. They always just want the best for us, forever willing to sacrifice their whole world just for ours to be better, even if it's just a teeny tiny bit better, they will still do it. Parent's love are amazing, probably something everyone won't understand. They sacrifices they had made, how they would try to save up every single bit for our luxury. If only I can quickly grow up and provide them the best, that they wouldn't worry about me and to just live happily like how they had done for me for all these years.
Love life for this year was good. I guess within this almost 500 days together, we learnt to know each other more and to be considerate adapting each others life. There's time where we feel like giving up but we still make it through. The challenges we face with us from almost totally different family background are hard sometimes for us, especially the habits and the way we live our own lives but I guess he is really always so patient to try to understand my life. I'm not too evil sometimes of forever being the bad guy but I guess in relationships its like that, when I'm not in a good mood he will tolerate everything and when he's not in a good mood I will be there for him (yeap he won't really get angry so I don't have to tolerate anything hahaha). It amaze me that he is forever tolerating me eventhough at times I can have sudden moody attack (blame the hormones HAHAHAHHA) and he never really understands why but he will just think that it's his fault. I'm serious, he really thinks it's his fault. I think our love language is different sometimes (it's really a bit different when we first did the test when we just knew each other!) he seldom express his love through buying stuffs for me but all the actions he does and all the patience he has is beyond the limit of any guy would do for me (except my daddy la hahaha). I feel guilty sometimes because he would decline all his friend's invitation to all sorts of activities that he super love whenever I have exam the next day, all he wants is to accompany me until I finish studying on that night. On the other side I will sleep whenever I want when it's his exam, yea I don't get why I can be like that. He's really a really nice man and it really hurts me to see his sincerity, knowing that I couldn't commit so much in the future when I enter clinical years or when I become a house officer. He always tell me its ok, he will take a thousand steps for me and just one single step from me would be more than enough. When we just got together, he understands that I was kind of spoilt since young as the youngest and only daughter at home. I am blessed and being provided with everything that I need and also because I am someone who don't actually ask for anything since young (it's somehow something in me since young that every parents are shock about because I really don't ask for toys or dresses even how much I like them), he told me that he will spoil me more than them, I didn't quite believe at first cause that's what all guys would say for the starting of the relationship and he really put less effort when he tried to chase me compared to many other guys. But sure enough, this man is weird hahaha the longer we stay together in this relationship, the more effort he put and the more he gets heels over head over me. The studies that show how the feelings will slowly decline after the first few months together works on almost everyone even me but not for him. He is really one very amazing man that has brought a lot of colors into my 2018 and one that will be deeply cherished even if our lines don't meet one day in the future.
Oh yea on the side note, the guy who likes me during my foundation years still likes me, I really don't know how to react to this yea almost 3 years even my guy friend says he likes me a bit too long. Let's see how 2019 would bring for him, please let him like someone else.
Let's just say 2018 was a very wonderful year, I thank God for many things that happened and did not happened within this year. I guess I was really blessed that I'm still happy and healthy and everyone around me is doing great, all the best to 2019!
