Phobia

noun

1. A persistent, abnormal, and irrational fear of a specific thing or situation that compels one to avoid it, despite the awareness and reassurance that it is not dangerous.

2. A strong fear, dislike, or aversion.

Phobia. Well I guess I have quite a number of it that people actually don't know. But you know as life goes on longer, all these phobias just increase in numbers tremendously. So all these are just what I know as far as I know.

1. I'm afraid of needles and surgery knifes. Either on having injections or having to do any surgeries. That's one of my biggest fear ever. I had dengue when I was around standard 3, and it actually hurts quite a lot when the doctor have to put in those IV line thingy, like some medicine and water drip into my body through my hand. That needle is so thick and it has to be poke through my skin. Those feels though. And you know, when I went for my first blood redrawing then to check whether I'm free from it already which is just actually a small needle poke into my finger as I was just a kid then, so they actually just had the chance to get the minimal blood amount they need. Yeah, I vomited right after it. Maybe I also have the phobia of looking at blood. but in specific, looking at my blood being drawn. In a way that I won't go dizzy and stuffs when it's OTHER'S people's blood. Yeahh, a bit selfish here hahah. As in those wounds and cuts I wouldn't be afraid larhh, those serious ones only. And there goes me having my first HPV vaccine (if I'm not mistaken), I actually had a really hard time queuing for it in school and I actually nearly cried HAHAHAHA. I admit I got cry larhh, like when the needle goes in that moment, however the second and third same vaccines doesn't hurt as much as the first one, I don't know whether it's psychological problem or what lahh hahaha. I said before if I have ever been given a chance to wait her do house chores a hundred days or to either go give different speeches a thousand times, I would also not go get an injection. I don't know but it's just that I am actually thinking about how would I live on with no surgeries in life. Like will I not bear a child of my own then ? Will I die before I have to face all those sickness on life that requires all the surgeries and injections or even blood redrawing. Haizz, all of these really scares me off real lot. I can actually stay awake for like days just because of that fear. Hahaha it really is funny how someone that big would be afraid of what they call it a micro or maybe pico atom of it. 

2. I am actually afraid of roller coasters and a lot of land-rides but I am not afraid of water slides. I don't know, I found out this phobia when I was in Hong Kong Ocean Park. And that roller coaster is really too scary for a 9 year old. It seriously goes down perpendicularly, perpendicularly as in 90 degrees. And it goes all the way down and it comes straight up 1 inch before reaching the ocean. I'm not being over reacting but it's true. And it goes up and down for like at least a solid 9 times. Oh yeah and those cable cars with just a minimal safety close up and it actually leaves you as in like you are just sitting on a chair and you have no place to put your leg. Those type of cable cars ride is so scary. I don't even think it's called cable car though. Cable cars are more safety like you are trapped inside a globe, not just dangling in the air.

 

So that's one of the reason why I seldom go amusement park as I actually prefer going to Disneylands or universal studios as yeah at least got shows what. I don't mind going both that places the second time though, but honestly Disneyland more fun larhh actually hahah. 

3. I'm also afraid of fire and boiling water. That's the reason why I'm active in all experiments except those that needs Bunsen burner's involvement, yeah I would just watch the show from not too far yet not too near. Not too far actually for the sake of practical marks though. I guess all these comes from a story when I was 10 I think ? On Christmas Day then, I boiled water to prepare tea for my dad. After the water is boiled which is like no one freaking deal with the degree celcius of it but I bet it's over 100 as you know those electronic kettle will exceed the boiling point. And yeahh I accidentally poured the freaking hot water on my right hand. And trust me, IT IS SUPER DUPER PAIN. I'm not lying but we were in Penang Shangri-La hotel then, and my dad had to rush to the nearest clinic for it. You know even my skin peeled off and I seriously have no intention to take a look but my brother told me that he could see my bones I DONT KNOW WHETHER HE IS LYING OR NOT until my mum says the wound is quite deep. Probably the most memorable Christmas ever :') I had to put a bandage on for like a month though. There isn't any scars now because my mum applied some scar serum if not my whole right hand would look like I don't know how to describe.

4. I'm having a little phobia on rats. It is really really scary to see them running around. No kidding. I ain't afraid of any insects but I am afraid of rats. I also don't know why but I saw this television show and there is a part when thousands of rats are released and they were locked in a room. Deyhhh, you don't know how disgusting it is. That's also one of the reason why this lazy bump here tidy up her room quite often hahaha I'm actually afraid that one day I have to share the same bed with them. Although my bed could fit up double my size but no, not a single thought of sharing with them.

5. I have also a phobia on watching disgusting censored movie. As in when people were being murdered bit by bit, torture them in a long time. It is so disgusting and cruel. And I don't like the movie 'saw', it's really very very disgusting. Those choices made are really frightening and cruel. ALL OF THEM. I am definitely not a fan of it, no second thoughts.

6. I actually do have a phobia last time in going to school, my primary school though. And I think that I do still have a phobia to meet those teachers especially those who is fierce and strict. I don't like waking up for school last time, I prefer weekends a lot. Like those homework given are so comparable to a hill. And you know that fear of going to school getting scolded because of bad grades or the reason of some other stuffs. Yeap sometimes in life, we weren't given a choice what, and she will be like scolding there non stop. So yeah I do have a deep phobia then, I wonder how I even lived through those years.

7. I am afraid of being left alone. You know it's silly, but last time I often will think that what if there comes a day when my family doesn't wants me anymore and nobody on earths actually want to accept me and I can't freaking buy a house at the mean time and so do the money for food is another problem too. Yeahh this problems will not come to my life but I would think that way. But I think this phobia of loneliness kind of decrease lately. Last time I would think a lot of being abandon or being ignored and all those. And I am also afraid that I would be sold away by my parents (which is like 100% not possible) and I would need to work as labours which is still acceptable like the worst thing lurhh but I am afraid of being forced to be a prostitude. I don't say such things out as I don't think it's a good idea in sharing it, that's why nobody actually knows this problem. But yeah at least this phobia has lessen now.

8. I remember myself having a really really serious phobia when I was little and I think I still have a little bit of it now but yeahh last time was more in a paranoid situation of it. But now, I'm a bit afraid only larhh, because it's consider really funny to me already. I've never ever told anyone about this before actually. And trust me this may be the weirdest phobia of all and I don't think anyone would have this phobia. I'm actually afraid of this one word YEAH YEAH LAUGH WHAT YOU WANT. And that one word is actually 'forever'. Okay it seems funny but yeahh I was really afraid of that word last time. Okay it's like this. 

Dad : You have to be a good girl in order to go to heaven.

Me : What if I'm bad ?

Dad : Then we would just die like that. Me : How good is being a good girl and how bad is being a naughty one. 

Dad : If you do more good deeds than bad deeds, that means you're a good girl. And if you do more bad deeds than good deeds, that means you're a bad girl. 

Me : What would I do in heaven ?

Dad : You would stay there and play all the stuffs you have ever wanted.

Me : Everyday ? I don't need to do homeworks ?

Dad : Yeap everyday, you don't need to do homework.

Me : How long is everyday ?

Dad : Forever

Me : And how long is forever ? 

Dad : Forever means millions and billions of years. Uncountable one.

Me : That mean's we are staying in heaven forever ? 

Dad : Yeap forever.

Me : And forever means I wouldn't die in heaven ?

Dad : Yeap, forever it is.

Yeap, that is actually the reason why I'm afraid of the word 'forever'. My dad was actually very persistent on his answer that we will be going to heaven forever then if we are good even how much I asked him as he actually thought I would like it. But no. I think that since I'm small, I'm always a thinker, a thinking too much and too deep of a thinker. I am actually afraid that I would be too tired and millions and billions of years is actually a lot. Seriously A LOT. So yeah, if you happen to meet a smaller version of me (again not possible), don't ever ever tell her that she will go to heaven forever if she is a good girl. At that time, I was thinking to be in heaven for maybe a hundred years and then I would be a naughty girl and die. I think that is one of my first phobia in my life and that's also one of the scariest I remember. Not to say scariest larhh, but the feeling I have then is actually one of the scariest one I consider out of all the others. 

9. I have a phobia of being laugh and insulted by people. You know it would make me cry though. And the thing is, I would actually not do the things you laughed at me in doing it anymore, yeap I'm serious. And I would cry a lot that I would promise myself to be autistic for the rest of my life and not talk to anyone ever, but yeah it didn't turn out that way to Miss Chatterbox HAHAHAHA 

10. I have a little phobia in climbing ladders HAHAHAHA. FYI I am not afraid of heights. Of course not every type of ladders larhh. I don't like those especially when they have small gaps and the handle not stable one, those not like stairs one larhh, to be specific. Oh yeahh, you know those in amusement park, like we have to climb up those ladders to play flying fox or something one, wow that one is so scary.  I can really go up to the tallest building but I am afraid of climbing ladders. I guess because I am a bit of lack of self confidence that I might fall and I might row down and knock my head against all these metal bars. Even those household ladder is a problem for me. You see, when I climb up there, both my hands would be attached firmly to those metals like super glue and I wouldn't do anything already. Like the purpose of me climbing up the ladder to repair something especially would take me quite some time to get used to the atmosphere on top. 

So these 10 are just those I found in myself, I hope I didn't miss out any of them. Well I guess it all depends on time going on again until the next one pops out I guess. Some are really weird and some are unusual and some are those common ones. I guess somehow humans on earth would have some things that they would be afraid of. And if they really admit they are afraid of it, well I think there isn't any point fooling around and scaring people out with it, as you never know how serious it could be. I see some people with serious phobia on things and they could end up very very paranoid, mine are just mild ones but yeahh don't mess up with me though.

That special one

Looking through the windows, yeahh it's raining, I actually already expected this, the sky being all dull and cloudy the whole morning and the wind being much stronger. And yeahh it really do happen now. I wouldn't call myself being good at predicting the future. But isn't it always like that ? It is so called being known in nature already.

To be honest, all these actually makes me wonder about my future. We couldn't just predict it in any other way and I know that nobody on Earth actually have a clear vision of their future. But shouldn't we be curious about it. Who am I in the future ? Where would I be ? How's my life then ? When would I die ? Who would be that special one who would hold my hands until we grow old ?

That special one. I guess there are decisions in life that appears to be the most important ones. And I sincerely hope that by then I would make the right choice.

So far in my life, I haven't got myself into any relationships with anyone yet. Not to mention that I have around 2 crushes. Well I guess I'm those type that is not obvious in showing my love to a guy, you know it's like even I have a crush on him, I treat him like a normal friend but my stomach is the one full of butterflies. So it's not really very obvious larhh, I would try to talk to him but yeahh I wouldn't do so too much times as later it would be obvious to him and then yeahh the guy may not like it. Forget about it. Actually so far there is a couple of people trying to confess to me. But yeahh they weren't brave enough and they actually somehow told their friends and yeahh their friends who is not a good secret keeper actually told me about it. And you know during the very next day of school, it actually makes me feel less comfortable whenever I see him hahaha, I'm serious.

Well, that special one actually doesn't have to be really good looking until he is a heart breaker or something. I think an ordinary guy would do. I'm not those type that really do emphasize on appearance. And yeahh, I don't actually mind how you look like. 

Since I'm really really small, I assume when I'm in my elementary school, I once told my dad that the person I am to marry must know how to cook HAHAHAHA. You may find it childish, but I think I've never change that thought before. Last time the reason why I thought so is because I want to be the boss sitting at the chair waiting for food to be cooked, I'm too lazy hahaha. But now the reason why I would think so is that both my dad and my mum are good cook, well they don't work as chefs but they are really good in cooking. As for me and my brother erhem, they said parents who know how to cook their kids don't really know right ? Hahaha I know how to cook simple stuffs larhh. Okayy, the main reason why is that I think guys who know how to cook are really awesome as I don't have to eat those take away food when I'm sick or yeahh under confinement HAHAHAHAH, I think too far sometimes. You know those food outside got a lot of MSG and it's not really healthy plus it's also not cheap. Later my kid not healthy arhh. Somemore home cooked dishes are always the best right ? And it's actually really fun to do groceries together and cook together. 

Okay I just found out that a guy being a sense of humor is very important too. I never know that it's important after this year. You know humor guys can make girls feeling happy like so easily. Whenever you are sad or whatsoever, it really do helps if you could do funny stuffs to make her happy. And life would be full of colors then. 'If you can make a girl happy, you can make her do anything.' - Marilyn Monroe. Being happy is actually one of the most important thing, isn't it ? Imagine him making me smile everyday, my life also can live longer sia. 

I think the other thing is that he must be a tolerable guy lurhh. You know anyone can go emotional and not-in-a-good-temper at days. I think both sides have to tolerate and yeah I admit it really is tough at times and I must also admit I'm not that good at tolerating. And I must say sometimes I really am a good speaker than a listener, so yeahh people usually say I'm good at debating ._. Mainly because I am really aware about my self esteem or what people call face. So unless I'm really really wrong, I would surrender, but if not hahaha, I'm sorry about it then.

I think guys should be romantic too HAHAHAHA. It really is important to remember those special dates we ha together. Like the date we started to be together, wedding anniversary, valentine's day, oh yeah and birthday. I think by giving a small surprise is romantic enough already, it doesn't need a lot of money used to plan it, maybe a small slice of cake with a candle on it or a DIY card ? Oh and maybe decorate the place during special occasions ? Guys should also be romantic after marriage or even after having their kids growing old. It really is something really sweet to whisper sweet stuffs in the girls ear. Girls like it, trust me. 

He has to be older than me. People says that if the men is older than the lady around 6-10 years is actually a perfect match. Why ? Because girls actually will look older when times goes by, you see girls have to give birth and stuffs. And horhh, usually boys are chubby with baby face de lurhh. And the boy have to be taller than me, actually by me stating this is actually quite useless as I'm quite short, I mean short HAHAHAHA.

I am a music lover. I think people who know how to play any musical instruments appear attractive to me. Except for electronic guitar and drums, I don't know I just find it very very noisy. I would be more than happy if he knows piano or classical guitar as both of it is my favourite musical instrument. Oh maybe it's a bonus, if he knows both !! I know how to play piano and I hope we could play duets together. Very romantic right ? Huachi daooo. I have always been playing duets with my brother and it really is fun when we attempt to play together. If he knows guitar, than I guess he could teach me since I actually am really in love with guitar and I wanted to learn guitar but my piano teacher advice me to don't do so as my fingers will then lose the touch when playing piano. And you know, boys looks really cute when they are concentrating playing the musical instruments, no kidding. The little frowns on their foreheads, their eyes not leaving the sheets, and especially when they concentrate until they stick their tongue out a little. 

Blur guys are really cute. I mean it. Like the way they look at you, those looks, can melt a heart one you know. Like you wouldn't need find their wrongs. They are too blur to do so. Blurry cute. Wait, is there even this term hahahha. I know you all may be thinking can blur and humor both be in a person. Yes, I have seen a guy before that he is quite blur and he have such a sense of humor. It's really cute to be blur and funny. 

I also thinks that it's important if he knows how to ease out awkward situation and to know how to communicate with strangers. I'm so totally not good in both of it. I think guys especially are really good in this compare to girls I know, I don't know but this is my own opinion. Girls as in me included inside are more afraid of being the first to give out a handshake and say hi. Actually all these brings love and kindness to strangers, it is really important to them when they come to a total stranger place without anyone caring for them. I always wanted to say hi but you know I'm actually afraid to do so. 

He must be good in talking too larhh, like don't too quiet, I'm those talkative type that if I don't talk for a few hours also will die one HAHAHAH JOKING LARHH, I don't talk when I sleep de. Must know how to find topics although I'm actually good at it also. Self praise lol. And must also help me stand on my rights when people talk bad about me :/ I think u think too much already, touchwood people say bad about me, I'm so good HAHAHAHA.  

Boys with too serious mysophobia turns out very headache to me. Honestly, I'm not very clean, yet not very dirty. I'm lazy to do house chores that's why I'm a bit dirty, I mop the floor of my room only once a fortnight HAHAHAH. I don't eat in my room what, just walk in to sleep only. Why mop so often ? I sweep erhem vacuum the floor twice a week lerhh. Okay back to topic, I'm not too dirty because I'm afraid of rats and cockroach staying with me. So yeahh, if you are really aware of cleanliness, ermm I think you have to do house chores yourself lurhh.

I think the other criteria of an ideal guy is that he have to love and respect my parents and family members. I know different family have different rules, culture, tradition and stuffs but yeahh it really is important to respect and try to accept them all. After we get married, I would be calling your parents my parents, and you will also call my parents your parents. So I'm also compromising yours and you should compromise mine too. 'Respect them as in how your respect your parents' should be implant in every marriage couples mind. After we get married, we turn into a single soul spiritually and mentally. The way we think, the way we make decisions and so on are all in one. My parents brought me up, your parents brought you up. So it's also somehow equivalent to my parents and your parents brought both of us up. In conclusion, both of us have to love and respect both our parents :)

Trust. He have to trust in me. No matter with evidence and everything that is against me. He should have know that I would never lie to him, and he should never hesitate on me. We must exchange our trusts between each other, knowing that we would never lie to each other no matter what. With that, no matter how big a problem is, by just trusting each other and totally rely onto each other, nothing on earth couldn't be solved together.

Ohh, he have to know how to handle kids as I'm not good in handling kids but yeahh kids love me WHYYY ?! I also don't know. You know when kids cry, omgosh so irritating. And I don't know how to play with them :') Like I know how to scare kids to ensure they are quiet only HAHAHAHA. So if you want kids, you must make sure you know how to handle them. I will be the obese and without health conscious mum eating candies and snacks over there, I cannot put them down tbh. Guys who knows how to handle kids are actually very handsome and you know girls will fall in love with them. Can treat kids (kids can be demanding sometimes) so well, sure can treat us well de larhh. This theory is like in every girls' mind de okay ? 

I think the most important thing of all the above is that he have to love me and to never give up on me no matter what happens. Marriage couples should always remember that. Need not to say it out by words, small actions would actually be seen and remembered in my heart. Action speaks louder than words. A gesture of love actually could lighten up ones day and would let each other know that we need each other to live on. Nobody could stand between and against us. We need to hold each others hand tightly no matter how big the storm is, and to always remember a rainbow is ahead of us, just hold on tighter and happiness will come. That kind of love for each other are actually the ones that makes a marriage or relationship bond stronger. 

Love is not just it, it's something that last for a lifetime. 

情深 缘浅

缘分这东西 有时很难说，说有 的确是有缘认识对方 说没有 的确每次只不过是一厢情愿。

谈起以前喜欢过的人，有时觉得自己很傻 有时却觉得这种是有点傻傻的幸福。

人总是这样，总是要疯疯癫癫的爱上一个人。然后 一跌就跌得很重很重，才懂得醒过来。人生必经之路吧 ? 那一丁点的关心，一丁点的温暖 竟然换取你的一厢情愿，换取了你一整年的想念及花痴。天天都期待着与他谈天的时候，期待着见到他。明知是没可能的，但就是无法控制自己啊。他对你那么好 有种 不嫁给他都会觉得浪费 的心态。可是不是你的，始终就不会是你的吧。这种人总会在你觉得全世界都在与你隔着一条线 (除了家人那些啦) 然后你就是觉得有些心事在心里闷着 很辛苦 但又不想告诉那些朋友，始终都不怎么熟 万一对你产生反感呢 ? 就在这时 英雄救美的男主角出现了。好啦，我并不怎么美啦 哈哈。对，他出现了。你在心中给他许多的分，你并不什么注重外表嘛。他也其实不算很难看啦。他很成熟 比一般的人懂事，他很幽默 总爱逗你开心，他很体贴 总是什么不妥都能察觉到，他是个很好聊的对象 几乎什么都能谈起来，他挺聪明的 课业上的什么困难 他都有本事回答，他有爱心 在你伤心难过时 他是那位鼓励你 并安慰你的，重点是 他对你很好 天天都顺着你的脾气 顺着你的心情 无论如何都 24 小时 在那里陪你聊天。

嗯 情深，的确挺深的。别人问，他对你有这样好吗 ? 真的 他对我很好。他说不 定是我曾经感受到一个男的 对我那么好的人了。或许 他只把我当成妹妹这么看待吧。

好像看对了人，可是都在错的时候。他那时 喜欢上另一个人。很简单啊，那女的好多人追，长得美总是这样的吧 ? 我知道他喜欢别人啊。可你要我怎么放下，难道说要放下就能放得下吗 ? 事情就这么简单吗 ? 我知道他喜欢那女的 只不过是因为样貌的关系，其实啊 我们俩的感情比他跟她的 还深呢。有总 三角恋的感觉吧 ? 我爱他 他爱她 她却爱另一个他。我与他们三个的感情都不错。一个是自己喜欢的人，一个是挺要好的朋友，一个是天天都能见的同班同学。或许真的是 情深、缘浅 吧。有缘没分。其实 结局是 我们几个之间都没在一起。

我没怪他。人就是这样 不是吗 ? 谁会像你自己那样 傻乎乎的不注重外表 只注重内在，傻乎乎的 明知自己不会得到同样的回报 却都愿意付出。

其实啊，一整年来 我都在尽力做着他与她之间的桥。我就这样塔在他们中间，好让他们能够走过我，借着我 做个朋友。那女的 的确不想与他做朋友，可 我为了他 竟然都背着她 帮他解决。我为什么要帮他 ? 我到现在也不明白，但我也不后悔。我相信如果你给我重选择 我也会选择当初的决定。你们或许觉得 我傻 我吃亏。对 的确如果我不怎么做 他几乎是没有可能会成功与她做朋友的，我也不用看着他这么继续地爱着她。

其实啊，爱一个人 不一定要跟他在一起。知道他的不好 也会支持他的决定。就当着是 我给他的一丁点报答吧。

我曾经与他谈天谈到哭个不停，是他安慰我 给回我那份胆量及自信。他曾经在我开个好大的玩笑骗他时 没骂我 却说我本性好 哈哈。他曾经在我幼稚地生气他 在一张纸上 写了一大堆他的坏话及要骂他的话时 没生气我 反而说要把那张纸收好来 好好反省。他曾经在我不爽某些人时 把一切都投诉给他时 都静静在听 他从没觉得我是对或错的，他只说他只站在我们中间，看他多成熟啊。他曾经在我与他无数次吵架时 每次都让我。他曾经是第一个祝我生日快乐的人，当时真的生日都没什么人理 我当时真的有被他感动到。

那些一丁点的小事 虽然对你而言都不算什么，但其实 我就是爱上你及那些我们之间所发生的点点滴滴。

他不知道我喜欢他，是的 我喜欢上一个人 很不明显。对你而言 说不定 我们之间没什么，但你知道你当时在我心里占多重要的位置吗 ? 哈哈 都是我不好，很多事 都跟你说 就只差那一件事没告诉过你。或许 也是没必要的关系吧。有些事 我知道就好了。

嗯 我就是喜欢你的成熟，我就是喜欢你的体贴大方，我就是喜欢你的幽默感，我就是喜欢你关心我，我就是喜欢你常常在放学时等我，我就是喜欢你的聪明，我就是喜欢你那样逗我，我就是喜欢你让给我，我就是喜欢跟你聊天，我就是喜欢你的这个那个。

嗯 你毕业了。好久没见了。我知道你过得挺好的。你或许在实现着你曾经告诉着我的那个梦想吧 ? 其实 每当你更新你的状态 我又再看到你时，其实我都会想起你曾经对我的一切好。是的 我们真的好久没联络。我们都试着，双方都曾经试过，但其实 我们俩都觉得挺尴尬的。或许 从那次后 就都不知不觉冷淡了下来吧 ? 其实现在看到你时 心里总会酸酸的，怎么说呢 我都想哭。或许 你不记得我们之间曾经立下的承诺了吧 ? 那也没关系吧。其实 我只希望 你还记得我，你还记得我们曾经经历过的那些事就够了。

你现在在哪里呢 ? 老地方见面 好吗 ?

When that day comes

" In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return. " Genesis 3:19

Humans come to the Earth one day, and will also leave the Earth one day. The day of our death is not known by us human. Therefore, I believe it isn't a problem for us to be speaking about death although it is always a big problem in any Chinese tradition. I guess it's no point being too superstitious sometimes. I am not planning to commit suicide and I promise I will never do so as it is like to harm and not appreciate or feel grateful on God's creation. If that one day comes, I don't want to see everyone being sad. I am honest. And I really hope my last wish would be granted then.

My funeral. It's better to not have a really grand one, maybe just one like my grandmother's. Simply just having a small funeral in the church will do, for the sake to let everyone know I'm no longer alive so they wouldn't bother keep on asking my family or friends and to also let them send some words of condolences to my family members so they wouldn't feel so down. Need not to held it for days, an hour or two is enough already. Bringing in my coffin into the church and have people who are close to me help me speak some appreciation and if possible please do follow the way I want it as written below. Maybe someone could also read this blogpost out on my behalf as what I want to say is already roughly written below. Thank you. And finally being buried or maybe burn into ashes. I won't mind either way. 

I guess it's not really a tradition to have flowers in a funeral here in Malaysia ehh ? But yeahh I prefer having flowers around so at least it will bring my joy to people who comes, I don't like seeing people cry to be honest. I rather want myself to cry than seeing the others to cry for me. So I guess it's why I would need help of the flowers to lighten and calm their spirit due to their lose.

My favourite flowers are tulips. Not many people knows it but yeahh it is the flower I would choose if I were to be given a choice. Tulips are not too elegant, too romantic, too big, too small, or too bright; the tulip is always just right. It's like how life should be.

White and orange tulips are both my favourite color of choice. I think they are both suitable and I would really like to use it for my funeral as the white ones actually are used to claim worthiness or to send a message of forgiveness. And I believe I may have accidentally hurt many of you all's heart unknowingly throughout my life. That's why at the end of my days, before I am turn into ashes, I really want to ask for you all's forgiveness no matter how much wrongdoings I did, I also hope that I could claim at least the worthiness I deserved before leaving the Earth. 

The orange one simply means energy, enthusiasm, desire and passion. I believe those are the words to describe my entire life's journey. Having the energy to do what i want, to act kindness, to praise the Lord, to make friends, to love each other, to spend time with my loved ones, to achieve what I want, to appreciate others, and at last to also live until my last breath. Enthusiasm, according to my understanding, it simply means a mixture of excitement and fun. Well it's a word to describe every curious creatures life. We get to know and experience new stuffs in life and all that. And I am always enthusiastic about life. Like every stages of life brings different memories to me, that makes me really looking forward to my next stage of life. Desire, I desire for tons of stuffs, and I believe if I have the opportunity to experience my old age, I would acheive all of the wishes and dreams I once had. Even the craziest of them all which is to travel in a submarine. I don't know whether by the time the funeral is held, will I ever have the chance, even if I die young, I believe I would die with no regrets as so far I am enjoying what I am doing now. And lastly passion, passion is almost equivalent to love. This is one of the most important one. The people I mixed with, the things I do, the dreams I had and so on are actually all really really meaningful to me. I am really glad and I want to send my biggest gratitude and appreciation to those who cared for me, those who loved me and also those who help me add colors in my life. I believe my life wouldn't be the same without any one of you. 

It would really be great if there is some songs going on to prevent kids from being all awkward in such circumstances. Confirm their parents would be like 'you must respect the dead and their family members' type. No need to play them in the church larhh, maybe just a piece of advice to them to listen to ? or maybe it can be played when I am in the process of being buried/burnt. Well, there is some songs in my mind. I would say the song 'Let her go' is a nice one. I really really like the song from every angle of it, the melody, the lyrics and so on. The lyrics of this song reminds us on appreciating stuffs or people before we lose them. It could be a reminder to those out there who moan for me (if there is) that they should take this as a reminder to love their love ones before everything is too late. 

Maybe 'Season in the sun' is also a good song to be played to represent my family. I remember that this song was my first favourite song as a kid. This song brought me up as a kid I guess ? Listening to it on dad's car radio so often that I could even memorize most of the lyrics already haha. I am really really glad that I have such loving and caring family that brought me up through all the good times and bad times in life. We indeed had many joy and fun together. Although sometimes we may quarrel over small matters, but yeahh I actually feel really really sad and I really do regret it after everytime it happens. I do wish my parents would live longer and enjoy their old age larh. So I guess if I pass away earlier than them. This songs actually says bye bye to my dad. And yeah it also says that I was the black sheep of the family, which I must admit that I was stubborn at time and I an really hard to be taught. I consider myself as being spoilt because I actually cannot bear being scolded and if I've been scolded, 99% I will get angry and cry. I am serious about it hahaha. So this song actually is also a song thanking my parents and my brother for compromising me throughout all these years. If not I guess I would have been beaten if I do so outside the society ? The song's lyrics not that direct dedicating to parents and saying thank you larhh, but I hope you all do understand what I meant. I am really glad that I am born with this surname, in this family, with these parents and to also live as all four of us. You all never gave up on me as an infant, a toddler, kid, teenager, youth and so on. Fatherly and motherly love are hard to be understood until you yourself become one of them. They are the one that gave up lots and lots of things for us children. They never blame us for being born on Earth no matter how naughty and stubborn are we. I can't bear to see them feeling disappointed and all for me. They see us grow, they nurture us. Which parents doesn't have the hope of having their kid being successful in the future ? Which parents will not sacrifice all they had to not let their kid suffer ? I love them, I know it's hard to say 'I love you' sometimes but I know they know it, and I also know that they love me too. They may not say it out but the heart and actions already tells.

I would think 最珍贵的角落 is also one of the song that should at least be played once during the funeral. This song means a lot for me as it helps me go through a lot of hard times reminding me of that I still have lots and lots of friends to be there for me. It also is a song to thank all the friends of the memorable moments we had spend in life. So I think it's a good way to also thank all of my friends. JKT is actually one of the most important and meaningful persatuan that I have ever join in my life. It really is my privilege to be sisters of both of them. No regrets getting into this school. They have done all they could to make me happy always. I don't think you all remember but one of the most touching and heartfelt event with them is when there was once when I'm having really high fever in school. And I seriously have no energy to move around anymore. The class is yet so noisy that me as the class monitor have to ensure the class to be quiet so that we wouldn't interrupt other classes. So yeah I must say that time, all I need is some panadol a to reduce the high fever. However, I don't have any of them with me. I was really going crazy having both problem coming to attack me at once. I kept quiet for a real long time and I just laid my head on the table. It still doesn't help. You all asked me what could you all do, I just smiled and said 'I'm okay, you all don't worry about me, I go back home eat panadol can already.' That was when both of you went to find panadol for me. You know in Malaysia, I don't know for other countries, but here in Malaysia, usually teachers won't give any medication to a student even when they need it themselves, all they could do is to send us to hospitals because it may bring harm to them if anything happens to us. But they didn't gave up, they actually asked all the teachers in the teachers' room. They literally beg from one table to another. I don't remember whether they finally get it or not but I did have a good time continue resting and I feel very touch larhh. Furthermore, they actually also manage to get the class' volume tune down a bit. It's all my responsibility them, but yeahh it was all solved by them. I really do hope we do have a chance to go Jakarta together, maybe at least twice in a lifetime ? 

After I die, I must say all the things I own in my room are not that valuable but what meant most to me are those present my loved ones give me, my diary and lastly a box filled with memorable stuffs that I put in the second drawer. All of the present can be given back to the original owner that gave me if they still need it, if not there isn't any other people who sees it valuable. I would definitely try my best to keep it in good shape until I die, but I believe once it is passed to another person who is not appreciative, it would end up being broken. And my diary ahahaha. Don't ever ever read it out arhh. Too many crushes and secrets inside. Later paiseh arhh. I hope my diary would be kept back to its original place to be rot hahaha or if someone would be able to accept it could have it but I really really hope that all of the diaries will not be scattered around the world but will always be in a complete set so yeahh that equivalents to that they are one happy family and only one owner can have it in order that they wouldn't split. Those love letter I wrote inside don't tell out larhh. And finally my memorable stuffs that brings up my childhood. Well it can also be left to rot or it can be give out to those in need. But those things are hardly used de by the way because it's mostly some small notes and some random stuffs that brings a lot of memories to me. Ohh as for all the other stuff in my room, it can be given out to those who need it. My clothes, my books, my toys (?) HAHAHAHA I do still have some toys with me now and much more. It can be donated and to help others.

Talking about donation, I don't mind donating any of my organs if there is people in need of it. I will take good care of all of them now so yeahh it would be at least in 90% perfect (?) shape then. If can use then donate it. No point burning it or burying it without any use right ? 

Oh yeah, I've forgotten about the songs that would be sing during song service that day in the church. I guess I would like the song 'My hope is build on nothing less' as that song is one of my favourite church hymn. And that song is actually where I get to know more about this really blur and cute guy hahaha. Yeapp, I must admit I have a crush on him for like 1 or 2 years ??? Woah I'm crazy. I want it in English version btw HAHAHAHA. The song is really meaningful and yeahh btw if you notice the songs I like isn't too fast and too high. So this song actually suits the criteria. 

Maybe the song 'still' also. I know this song isn't in the church hymn, but I really really like it. Really really soothing song. And that song was the song that bring me memories of the sign language we did in the dark. One of the happiest moments in choir group with them.

' You are my all in all' is also really a nice song to be sang ? Well that's one of the first few songs that I saw people singing and playing guitar with it. I especially love the plucking of this song. Really really detailed and it's as if like being played on the piano. 

It is not necessary to wear black or dark colored clothes though. But please don't wear shorts, I prefer longer attire. Maybe longer dresses ? White one. They look really really pleasant. Of course, this is just my point of view, we can't like chase away the guests right ?

Oh yeahh, what I should be wearing. Well maybe again a really long white dress ? Not those ghost type de larhh, also not those wedding gown or gown type de larhh, maybe a simple one from my wardrobe ? I don't have anything to put inside my coffin to be burnt or buried. Don't you all ever dare to burn or burry my diaries together with me okay. Heart pain arhh. Been writing since the year 2011 lerhh. I don't believe of what I can read them in heaven or hell though. I believe that once we are dead, we can't take anything out from this earth, so no point burying or burning them. I heard that my mum said that some clothes have to be put underneath the dead body to prevent the body from moving from its place when it is been carried to the cemetery. If the technology then still needs it, yeahh put those clothes I wear at home can already, I so fat sure very stable one, don't put all of my clothes in, wasted sia. Can donate it out for charity one. And horh. The coffin right, buy the cheapest enough already, no need so grand one, at last also get buried or burnt de right ? No point wasting so much of money on it.

What should you all do with my ashes ? Well, I think you all can put it in a peaceful place. I don't know whether is it allowed to put outside the church LOLOLOL maybe not larhh, you all can put it around my house I'm staying as I think I have a lot of memories growing up in it, or you all can put it in my mum's hometown there, there's many beaches that are really peaceful and beautiful. Of course I don't believe in anything of ashes must be kept properly arhh, or if it is not properly handled, I will feel unhappy or so. So yeahh, if it is really troublesome to you all, well just put it anywhere larhh. I won't mind one.

If I am already capable to work and earn money before I pass away, well the leftover money I have must be left to my parents. They have spent a lot on me and I hope that bit of money could help them in their life. Or you all can donate it to the church. Aiyar, if I got children or grandchildren then. Confirm the dad got leave money for them de, don't worry arhh, I will find a good daddy for you all to take care of you all. But if I adopt a kid in the future without marrying, consider how old is the kid larhh. If he/she is still studying well give him/her half the money, half for my parents lurhh. But if he/she already start working then give my parents only lurhh. Don't so dependent marhh. 

Ohh by then, put this memory verse as the quote larhh : " I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith. " 2 Timothy 4:7 

I don't know but usually this memory verse is used, isn't it ? 

This blog can then be revealed on who am I actually also. I guess I will not tell anyone except for maybe my spouse in the future only if I do have one. So yeah, by then can be revealed larhh, not really necessary also.

I think I've wrote almost all the stuff that is needed. I hope I didn't miss out anything. But do remember, I'm not really particular on everything, just make life easy, don't trouble people so much. A simple one will do. And arhh, don't put my face on newspapers arhh. I know it may seemed silly writing all this and I have to emphasize again that I am not commit suiciding, I won't do things to harm myself. I think the reason why I write this is that, our lives are sometimes too fragile and we never know what will happen tommorow larhh. And right, I think I don't want to like ended up having a really grand one and I also don't want to see my family and friends worrying and feeling sad as my biggest wish of all when I die is to not let them cry for me. 

Sleep's sleep

I suddenly realized that I am imitating a bear, having lots and lots of hibernation

It is not really counted as hibernation larhh. I can't be like not waking up for days right ? Well it's just naps, like a lot of naps. And all of those naps actually made up my holiday life. 

Well this is not the main point I'm writing this blogpost. The reason why I wrote this blogpost is that I have a really really confused dream or should I say confuse ? I don't know but I went to sleep last night and I dreamt that I was sleeping. It's like I actually slept when I am sleeping. Oh by the way I am not those superstitious type of Chinese on believing that dreams should not be told out etc. Heyy I believe in God and I believe it isn't a problem sharing it out. 

Oh by the way, there were many not sure or even forgetting here and there because I didn't really recall my dream straight away when I woke up. You know there is a fact saying that if we don't recall back our dream immediately, no matter how important or memorable the dream is, we will forget parts of it.

So here is it. I dreamt that I was in a car and there is just the four of us. I remember that the other 3 were actually two boys and 1 girl but the two boys were much elder than us and the other girl were around my age or maybe the same age as me. Well we know each other as we were church members. But I don't remember who are they except for one of the guy I was pretty sure who is he and ermm as for the other girl, I wasn't sure whether she is the one but yeahh as for the other guy, I seriously forget already. Okay I actually have no idea where we were heading to, but I kinda trust them because yeahh we meet each other every week marhh some more my parents know them also and we actually know each other for years already. The other reason I didn't ask them where we are heading to us because that in real life, we were actually planning to go to Cameron Highlands the other day but yeahh due to some problems we didn't managed to go so I assume we are going for a vacation ! Hahaha I assume it that way because I don't dress like I'm going to church and I guess I already know where am I going already ? 

So we were chatting happily in the car and all that. I have no idea what are we chatting by the way. Then suddenly my dream when into another scene. I was sitting in the hotel room and I start to worry about where should I sleep tonight as you know there is only 2 beds in the hotel room and it doesn't feel right having boys and girls sleeping in the same room. I was thinking that I could sleep with the other girl but I feel kinda bad because the other two boys were adult and they were a little bigger in size compare to us and it's like how can both of them squeeze in a bed. The bed is not really queen size and I don't think is single size bed. I think it's more to super single sized bed. So yeahh imagine both of them squeezing in that bed, next day confirm body ache one. And horhh, it doesn't feel right having one girl one boy in the same bed right ? Like both of them have girlfriends le, and horh we girls sure disadvantage one larhh. And it still isn't right somehow too. We cnat possible add another bed too as the room is too small to fit in anything.

I can't believe that I am always worrying about small matters even in my dreams orz.

So there was when one of them called me up and yeahh I planned to just put down those worries and went on chatting with them. Aiyar, vacation marhh, so worry for what. They all big ones will thought of a way de larhh. One of the boys were installing a white color tablet shape of device on the other edge of the room, the place where we iron our room. I actually don't bother to ask what is that device about. It's like I also know what is it about.  

Then suddenly we heard the hotel room's bell rang. I opened the door, and I saw my parents coming in. And then my parents went on checking how I'm going and told all of us where the other family's hotel room were. OHH so there is another family. Then my parents asked the guy what is he installing, well he said it's a device where we could receive both Johor's signal and local signal. Ohh that's when I know we were in Singapore. Pretty shocking how we reached that fast. You know from KL to Singapore takes around 4 hours at least ?!! 

So later we went downstairs. I just followed at the back though because I have no idea on the route of this hotel. So we went downstairs and we met the other family (also another church member's family btw) and the mother began asking me where is our hotel room. And to my surprised, I answered her like I've known here for years SIMI SAI. Like why suddenly don't know the route of the hotel and suddenly introduce the hotel like I've known it for my life. Okay so she asked me why their hotel room so far, and again to my surprise that I told her I booked it months ago and she booked it recently. Okay things are getting weird in this dream. 

Then we went out for dinner I guess ? And I'm sitting in my parents car and the other 3 of them also sat in my parents car. The other family in the other car. One of the guy sat infront beside my dad. My mum sat with the other guy at the second row while both of us girls sat at the last row. And that was when my dad ask about the journey. I told him it was okay, then he asked whether I was aware I was sleeping throughout the whole journey. I was shocked. I didn't realize I was sleeping. Suddenly, images of me sleeping begin flashing through in my mind. Pretty weird though, who don't know they were sleeping ? And who actually will picture themselves sleeping, like literally I have pictures of me sleeping in my mind with my face. It's like I saw myself closing my eyes slowly, I actually now think that I was hypnotize hahaha. I don't know why I think that way but I won't usually fall asleep in cars and somemore there is people chatting around, you know my talkative type of person. And the other reason I think that I am being hypnotize is that I don't remember a thing when I woke up. Like straight into another scene.   

I kept quiet and I suddenly also remembered that I woke up in the hotel room. I began asking how would I suddenly appear in the hotel room. The guy sitting beside my dad smiled and asked me 'Sleep until so sound arhh ?' Then I asked whether he is the one who carried me up to the hotel room. He just continue smiling. I actually don't mind him smiling and I didn't imagine him as smiling in a pervert way because in real life (not in my dream I meant), he is a really good guy and he often likes to smile as an answer of a yes of what we questioned. Furthermore, I am quite paiseh that he could carry me up as I'm so heavy, I'm serious. So I assumed there is not him alone carrying me up. Maybe both the guys have to carry me, one from the head and one from the leg HAHAHAHAAH.

Not long after I woke up from my dream. And now I find it a really really weird and random dream. I definitely was not hypnotize by them like why would they do so. Trust me, I believe them more than I believe any other classmates from school. But I can't be like fall asleep without knowing I slept when I woke up right ? Well I never had been hypnotize before in my life well not to mention those school teachers AHAHAHAHAHA but yeahh I'm serious I haven't been physically or mentally hypnotize before so I don't know that feeling. But it indeed was a deep sleep when I slept for 3 hours ?!! And the others are chatting in the car, how is it possible to a talkative person like me ? And why isn't my parents the one that fetch me to Singapore ? And why I didn't meet up my cousins in Singapore ? And why suddenly go Singapore ? And why four of us in the same hotel room ? Why this dream happen so randomly ? And the problem is I actually have bad feelings about this dream, like I've been thinking about it from time to time about it. It's getting me feeling more and more afraid sia.

I must say I don't remember most of my dreams unless it really is an important one. Does this dream means anything to me ? 

Butterfly

"... I describe Form 3 as a caterpillar while Form 4 as a butterfly. A caterpillar has to evolve into a butterfly but it's like it really is a huge gap in between both stages. As in the caterpillar has to find its own leaf and yeapp turn itself as a pupa yadda yadda. How big a gap it is. Yeapp, Form 3 to Form 4 is a big evolution in life that we have to go through. But yeahh butterflies are beautiful creatures of God's creation. Form 4 is yet also a beautiful year to be explored and also to be unraveled along with all those amazing stuffs ..."

Its already the end of my Form 4 life (sec 4 to be particular), well I must say it's actually a really wonderful year. I must say it's also like a roller coaster ride hahaha. Yeapp all those ups and downs. Well, when I went on to return my books today. I wrote a note, a really simple one to my junior yeahhh imagine how good am I ? Yeapp as I said I wrote a note to the person who is going to use it in the future. I may seems to be a bit annoyed and yeahh you can say anything you want but yeahh I actually wrote it because I think it's important to let them know on what they are going through in this year. Well I must say, I really am clueless sometimes. You can name it from A to Z on what I am clueless on especially during exams. It's like you know the studies we are facing in Form 4 is definitely totally different compared to Form 3. A total turnover. 

So yeahh, I wrote on the note that I describe Form 3 as a caterpillar while Form 4 as a butterfly. A caterpillar has to evolve into a butterfly but it's like it really is a huge gap in between both stages. As in the caterpillar has to find its own leaf and yeapp turn itself as a pupa yadda yadda. How big a gap it is. Yeapp, Form 3 to Form 4 is a big evolution in life that we have to go through. But yeahh butterflies are beautiful creatures of God's creation. Form 4 is yet also a beautiful year to be explored and also to be unraveled along with all those amazing stuffs. 

Yeapp, I must say larhh. There is really many first times that I have gone through this year. Sometimes, I think if my future self would have given me some tips in life, well I guess many things would have changed. Like I remember the first time I did my add maths exam paper. Well tremendously I must say hahaha. The moment when I received the paper, I actually wasn't assure on what to write. Like I've being spending half an hour flipping through the exam papers finding any questions I am capable to do. Yeapp, none of them I must say. I actually really thought add maths was easy and I spent my time revising my other subjects especially chemistry and history. Yeapp chemistry and history is both the subject I lack interest on. So yeahh, that was really the first time I have ever wanted to cry and both my hands were actually trembling SIMI SAI. I'm serious okay. Like I literally spent half an hour an I have never ever gotten an answer on yet. So yeah, I just wrote everything that I remembered, well I was just hoping on sympathetic marks and those marks for process. Well answer's mark is quite hard to get or I could say impossible larhh hahaha. So yeahh, I passed with 50 +. Not bad larhh hahaha. Not to mention how high I jumped when I received my results hahahah. But yeahh, spookiest attempt in doing an exam paper. It's like much more scarier than when I'm having my government test. 

So yeah, thats one of the main reason i wrote the note. At least can help someone in the future larhh, then can less one people being paranoid during their test hahaha. Yeapp, never take things for granted when it comes to exams. You know, actually use two weeks to study history is actually not enough. Like that also goes to biology, chemistry and add maths. It really do. It's never enough time to actually study to get 100%. Like I think people out there who can actually score an A+ is super duper hardworking. Seriously. Nobody could be born like I can score all subjects in A+ without studying. Confirm don't have one lurhh. Like even if people study awhile but can get A+ is that they really got listen to teachers' lessons and to not chit chat at the back of the classroom hahaha. Well my Form 4 school life is actually sitting at the back of the classroom chit chatting though. We choose teachers' lesson to chit chat one, don't go become very heroic like that go make noise during fierce teacher's lesson larhh. This year I also don't know how many times my name got called for being too noisy lmao. 

Form 4, if I've known earlier how it actually is, if there is actually someone who could give me a piece of advice, well I believe that ermm yeapp actually no matter what orhh, nothing much would have change. It's like after that add maths exam right, I also burn the midnight lamp during the next exam hahah I didn't really go as what I planned to do a bit of a revision everyday hahah. It's actually wasted to not enjoy life right ? And I think I did quite well this year marhh ahahahah. Just that, if I could tell my Form 3 self something, yeapp enjoy life in Form 3, it really is one of the best year of studying from elementary school to secondary school so far. Form 4 that time orhh, remember first exam must study Add Maths and Biology, second exam moral and history, third exam history and add maths. HAHAHAHA it's like I've went cuckoo saying so now. 

CHILLAX, Form 4 is a year that has to be balanced between study time and play time. As for now, I think I'm on my play time mood as yeapp exams are over and holidays are about to begin.

Brothers' day

november. it's already the second day of november.

Time really flies ehh ? Two more days and here comes my last exam paper --> Add maths. And after that day, I will be already as free as a bird, having all my year end holidays starting that day. Okayy larhh, I must admit that I have to also go back to school to do some year end's procedures and also next year's preparation etc. 

Two weeks ago, our church celebrated sisters' day. Well, yesterday 1/11 is our turn to hold a brothers' day for them. 

So the day before yesterday, I was like really really nervous. The main reason is that I am the pianist of yesterday's morning sabbath school o.o SERIOUSLY VERY STRESS LARHH. It's like it's already years since the last time I'm given this task. And yeap, the songs the song leader chose was like 3 of the songs have 4 FLATS. And only one of it is 1 sharp. Imagine how scary is that. Furthermore, it's like I only had one week left to practice and I actually had my exams on throughout that week, so that actually minimize my piano practice time. 

Okay, the other reason I feel really nervous, or I could say same level as the nervousness of playing piano hahahah SAME LEVEL OF NERVOUSNESS, what am I talking about. So the same level of nervousness is that I'm actually the leader of yesterday's night's dinner's main course. So many apostrophe s hahahhaha. And we are preparing pineapple fried rice. And I never in my life fry rice before. Like I know how to cook spaghetti, fry noodles, prepare maggi mee etc but I've no idea how to fry rice. We were actually planning to have our theme as more to western food so we could prepare carbonara spaghetti which is much easier than all this BUT those boys already did this to us during sisters' day and 99% they will say we copy them if we do so although they did bolognese spagetthi, confirm they say we copy them one. So I asked my dad for help yesterday. Last minute of S.O.S lol. Well, I must say when both your dad and mum are good chef in the house, ahahahaha no point learning how to cook right ? My dad and mum are those that can determine how to cook a certain dish with just tasting it. SIMI SAI. They could like even determine what's the ingredient of the sauce. Like all I know is eat HAHAHAHAH. So my dad was like explaining over and over but it's like I couldn't get an exact idea. Hahaha not really my fault larhh, because my dad said I need to measure it like if the pineapple is too ripe you need to put it at step 6 if it's not, then put it at step 4. And if it's for don't know how many bowls of rice, you need to prepare don't know how much of the seasoning yadda yadda. So it's not really me being too much of a problem keep on asking how right ? You know kids just wanna make sure :') 

So yeah back to yesterday. So throughout the piano playing thingy, I think I just did average. I must admit I played many wrongs but luckily the song leader just carried on with his and I manage to carried back really quick. So yeahh not that good also larhh actually HAHAHAHAH. But not bad le lurhh :P

As for yesterday's night, I was really really glad and overwhelmed and touched when my dad actually appeared to help me :') So yeah luckily there's him, if not i really will get confused with everything around. Not as easy as it seems de sia. We still need to cut the pineapples ourselves and we need to cut it properly as we are using the pineapple shell as the bowl. And it took us all to cut all 20 of them for around an hour. 

So we start at 6:30pm, and then on we already put the lemon grass water on the table, got Thailand de scent marhh. So yeah, we forced the boys to queue up at the door while when they enter they had to wear a yellow hat we made out of papers. It looks really funny tbh as it's like those kind of witch hat shape but when you wear it, the base is actually curled up to the shape of your head so it's left with that pathetic small yet really tall and pointy cone shape on top. And then they were given to sit like candlelight dinner type. 1 to 1 yo ! Awkward ehhh. 

We had our song leading, then later our devotion. And we had the special so called 'Thailand dance' which is actually chicken dance lmao. All of us have to dance together and it's so funny I cannot. Like I actually forget how to dance le. But then they reminded me back. SOME OF THEM LOOK SO CUTE DANCING IT. 

And finally all of us had to serve in the pineapple fried rice. Oh yeah when I served my second plate of pineapple fried rice that time, there is this guy whom I'm serving to gave me this flower. It's actually an orchid that we put as a decoration on the table. So the decoration is like this. We put coconut shell and inside we put water and candles that are lighten floating on the water. Then next to the coconut shell, we put a stalk of orchid flower and some leaves as decorations beside it. A bit Hawaii de feel to me, but it's also somehow a bit Thai as sometimes I see this kind of decoration in Thai restaurant. So yeah, he was quite like not to say nervous, but once I put down the plate of pineapple rice, he was like quickly took up the stalk of orchid and like pluck one small flower of it and he was like 'nahh, this is for you'. Trust me, I was like totally out of the blue when he gave me that. I was like quite blank an was looking at him for like maybe 5 seconds HAHAHAHAHA because orhh, actually nobody in my life actually gave me flowers before, not to mention me as a kid being put in dozens of flowers into my hair hahaha. Then I was like 'oh thanks' and I seriously don't know where to leave it and I was like put it in my pocket HAHAHAHA it's still in perfect shape when I reached home larhh, not really larhh, a bit squashed though. 

And then we straight have to present a special number to them. The song is really hilarious as it's a combination of a church youth song and emm ha emm ha emm ha ha. Okay, it's sounds so confusing so I found an example hahah something like this like really really funny larhh, somemore orhh we were not allowed to laugh when we sing that song hahahah and horhh we sing dao so freaking high pitch at the 'ha ha' part omgoshh and to make it even more funny they actually chose a conductor and the conductor have to use chopsticks as the pointer. So they were actually thinking that it's a very sweet and normal song but when we started singing it's like I don't know whether they got choked hahahah I assume larhh. 

Thn we went in to get our second dish out and it's tomyam soup. Got Thailand feel right ? Oh by the way our theme is actually 'Thailand's one day trip'. After the tomyam soup is served, we went in to prepare our dessert. Ice cream and banana. They all lucky larhh. When they are eating, of course we had some people to present some special number. So yeah, the dessert damn syiok larhh. Too bad. I didn't eat any of it because I was too lazy and I think I look so see sid hahaha.

I guess that's all of it. Yeapp we did prepared gift for them. Those book mark so cute sia. Somemore it's personalized as there is their name at the back and all those good qualities we see in them. We also got prepare another mystery gift for them ahahaha don't feel like telling it out here hahaha. 

Yeapp throughout the whole activity, I must say it is quite successful, of course there is some imperfections like we didn't really coordinate well when we were preparing the food. It's like not all of them are helping out, some of them who were actually a member of cooking the main course or any other food went on outside to take pictures etc. It's like really irresponsible larhh I must say. And horh, when cook finish le, they so automatic will come in and eat de worhh. And when the program finish right, we girls need to clean up de right ? They went on to take selfie LIKE SIMI SAI. Okay larhh, I must also say most of them really help out a lot. The other imperfections are some slip out here and there. Oh and yeahh, we aren't that active in cooking by the way hahaha. Most of it is my dad cooking them :b 

It really is an enjoyable event and yeahh it's actually all counting on team's spirit hahaha. Let's have more sisters' and brothers' day in the future. But let brothers' day come before sisters' day so our life would be easier in preparing an easier food hahahaha. 

p.s. x'mas is near