" In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return. " Genesis 3:19
Humans come to the Earth one day, and will also leave the Earth one day. The day of our death is not known by us human. Therefore, I believe it isn't a problem for us to be speaking about death although it is always a big problem in any Chinese tradition. I guess it's no point being too superstitious sometimes. I am not planning to commit suicide and I promise I will never do so as it is like to harm and not appreciate or feel grateful on God's creation. If that one day comes, I don't want to see everyone being sad. I am honest. And I really hope my last wish would be granted then.
My funeral. It's better to not have a really grand one, maybe just one like my grandmother's. Simply just having a small funeral in the church will do, for the sake to let everyone know I'm no longer alive so they wouldn't bother keep on asking my family or friends and to also let them send some words of condolences to my family members so they wouldn't feel so down. Need not to held it for days, an hour or two is enough already. Bringing in my coffin into the church and have people who are close to me help me speak some appreciation and if possible please do follow the way I want it as written below. Maybe someone could also read this blogpost out on my behalf as what I want to say is already roughly written below. Thank you. And finally being buried or maybe burn into ashes. I won't mind either way.
My favourite flowers are tulips. Not many people knows it but yeahh it is the flower I would choose if I were to be given a choice. Tulips are not too elegant, too romantic, too big, too small, or too bright; the tulip is always just right. It's like how life should be.
White and orange tulips are both my favourite color of choice. I think they are both suitable and I would really like to use it for my funeral as the white ones actually are used to claim worthiness or to send a message of forgiveness. And I believe I may have accidentally hurt many of you all's heart unknowingly throughout my life. That's why at the end of my days, before I am turn into ashes, I really want to ask for you all's forgiveness no matter how much wrongdoings I did, I also hope that I could claim at least the worthiness I deserved before leaving the Earth.
The orange one simply means energy, enthusiasm, desire and passion. I believe those are the words to describe my entire life's journey. Having the energy to do what i want, to act kindness, to praise the Lord, to make friends, to love each other, to spend time with my loved ones, to achieve what I want, to appreciate others, and at last to also live until my last breath. Enthusiasm, according to my understanding, it simply means a mixture of excitement and fun. Well it's a word to describe every curious creatures life. We get to know and experience new stuffs in life and all that. And I am always enthusiastic about life. Like every stages of life brings different memories to me, that makes me really looking forward to my next stage of life. Desire, I desire for tons of stuffs, and I believe if I have the opportunity to experience my old age, I would acheive all of the wishes and dreams I once had. Even the craziest of them all which is to travel in a submarine. I don't know whether by the time the funeral is held, will I ever have the chance, even if I die young, I believe I would die with no regrets as so far I am enjoying what I am doing now. And lastly passion, passion is almost equivalent to love. This is one of the most important one. The people I mixed with, the things I do, the dreams I had and so on are actually all really really meaningful to me. I am really glad and I want to send my biggest gratitude and appreciation to those who cared for me, those who loved me and also those who help me add colors in my life. I believe my life wouldn't be the same without any one of you.
It would really be great if there is some songs going on to prevent kids from being all awkward in such circumstances. Confirm their parents would be like 'you must respect the dead and their family members' type. No need to play them in the church larhh, maybe just a piece of advice to them to listen to ? or maybe it can be played when I am in the process of being buried/burnt. Well, there is some songs in my mind. I would say the song 'Let her go' is a nice one. I really really like the song from every angle of it, the melody, the lyrics and so on. The lyrics of this song reminds us on appreciating stuffs or people before we lose them. It could be a reminder to those out there who moan for me (if there is) that they should take this as a reminder to love their love ones before everything is too late.
Maybe 'Season in the sun' is also a good song to be played to represent my family. I remember that this song was my first favourite song as a kid. This song brought me up as a kid I guess ? Listening to it on dad's car radio so often that I could even memorize most of the lyrics already haha. I am really really glad that I have such loving and caring family that brought me up through all the good times and bad times in life. We indeed had many joy and fun together. Although sometimes we may quarrel over small matters, but yeahh I actually feel really really sad and I really do regret it after everytime it happens. I do wish my parents would live longer and enjoy their old age larh. So I guess if I pass away earlier than them. This songs actually says bye bye to my dad. And yeah it also says that I was the black sheep of the family, which I must admit that I was stubborn at time and I an really hard to be taught. I consider myself as being spoilt because I actually cannot bear being scolded and if I've been scolded, 99% I will get angry and cry. I am serious about it hahaha. So this song actually is also a song thanking my parents and my brother for compromising me throughout all these years. If not I guess I would have been beaten if I do so outside the society ? The song's lyrics not that direct dedicating to parents and saying thank you larhh, but I hope you all do understand what I meant. I am really glad that I am born with this surname, in this family, with these parents and to also live as all four of us. You all never gave up on me as an infant, a toddler, kid, teenager, youth and so on. Fatherly and motherly love are hard to be understood until you yourself become one of them. They are the one that gave up lots and lots of things for us children. They never blame us for being born on Earth no matter how naughty and stubborn are we. I can't bear to see them feeling disappointed and all for me. They see us grow, they nurture us. Which parents doesn't have the hope of having their kid being successful in the future ? Which parents will not sacrifice all they had to not let their kid suffer ? I love them, I know it's hard to say 'I love you' sometimes but I know they know it, and I also know that they love me too. They may not say it out but the heart and actions already tells.
I would think 最珍贵的角落 is also one of the song that should at least be played once during the funeral. This song means a lot for me as it helps me go through a lot of hard times reminding me of that I still have lots and lots of friends to be there for me. It also is a song to thank all the friends of the memorable moments we had spend in life. So I think it's a good way to also thank all of my friends. JKT is actually one of the most important and meaningful persatuan that I have ever join in my life. It really is my privilege to be sisters of both of them. No regrets getting into this school. They have done all they could to make me happy always. I don't think you all remember but one of the most touching and heartfelt event with them is when there was once when I'm having really high fever in school. And I seriously have no energy to move around anymore. The class is yet so noisy that me as the class monitor have to ensure the class to be quiet so that we wouldn't interrupt other classes. So yeah I must say that time, all I need is some panadol a to reduce the high fever. However, I don't have any of them with me. I was really going crazy having both problem coming to attack me at once. I kept quiet for a real long time and I just laid my head on the table. It still doesn't help. You all asked me what could you all do, I just smiled and said 'I'm okay, you all don't worry about me, I go back home eat panadol can already.' That was when both of you went to find panadol for me. You know in Malaysia, I don't know for other countries, but here in Malaysia, usually teachers won't give any medication to a student even when they need it themselves, all they could do is to send us to hospitals because it may bring harm to them if anything happens to us. But they didn't gave up, they actually asked all the teachers in the teachers' room. They literally beg from one table to another. I don't remember whether they finally get it or not but I did have a good time continue resting and I feel very touch larhh. Furthermore, they actually also manage to get the class' volume tune down a bit. It's all my responsibility them, but yeahh it was all solved by them. I really do hope we do have a chance to go Jakarta together, maybe at least twice in a lifetime ?
After I die, I must say all the things I own in my room are not that valuable but what meant most to me are those present my loved ones give me, my diary and lastly a box filled with memorable stuffs that I put in the second drawer. All of the present can be given back to the original owner that gave me if they still need it, if not there isn't any other people who sees it valuable. I would definitely try my best to keep it in good shape until I die, but I believe once it is passed to another person who is not appreciative, it would end up being broken. And my diary ahahaha. Don't ever ever read it out arhh. Too many crushes and secrets inside. Later paiseh arhh. I hope my diary would be kept back to its original place to be rot hahaha or if someone would be able to accept it could have it but I really really hope that all of the diaries will not be scattered around the world but will always be in a complete set so yeahh that equivalents to that they are one happy family and only one owner can have it in order that they wouldn't split. Those love letter I wrote inside don't tell out larhh. And finally my memorable stuffs that brings up my childhood. Well it can also be left to rot or it can be give out to those in need. But those things are hardly used de by the way because it's mostly some small notes and some random stuffs that brings a lot of memories to me. Ohh as for all the other stuff in my room, it can be given out to those who need it. My clothes, my books, my toys (?) HAHAHAHA I do still have some toys with me now and much more. It can be donated and to help others.
Talking about donation, I don't mind donating any of my organs if there is people in need of it. I will take good care of all of them now so yeahh it would be at least in 90% perfect (?) shape then. If can use then donate it. No point burning it or burying it without any use right ?
Oh yeah, I've forgotten about the songs that would be sing during song service that day in the church. I guess I would like the song 'My hope is build on nothing less' as that song is one of my favourite church hymn. And that song is actually where I get to know more about this really blur and cute guy hahaha. Yeapp, I must admit I have a crush on him for like 1 or 2 years ??? Woah I'm crazy. I want it in English version btw HAHAHAHA. The song is really meaningful and yeahh btw if you notice the songs I like isn't too fast and too high. So this song actually suits the criteria.
Maybe the song 'still' also. I know this song isn't in the church hymn, but I really really like it. Really really soothing song. And that song was the song that bring me memories of the sign language we did in the dark. One of the happiest moments in choir group with them.
' You are my all in all' is also really a nice song to be sang ? Well that's one of the first few songs that I saw people singing and playing guitar with it. I especially love the plucking of this song. Really really detailed and it's as if like being played on the piano.
It is not necessary to wear black or dark colored clothes though. But please don't wear shorts, I prefer longer attire. Maybe longer dresses ? White one. They look really really pleasant. Of course, this is just my point of view, we can't like chase away the guests right ?
Oh yeahh, what I should be wearing. Well maybe again a really long white dress ? Not those ghost type de larhh, also not those wedding gown or gown type de larhh, maybe a simple one from my wardrobe ? I don't have anything to put inside my coffin to be burnt or buried. Don't you all ever dare to burn or burry my diaries together with me okay. Heart pain arhh. Been writing since the year 2011 lerhh. I don't believe of what I can read them in heaven or hell though. I believe that once we are dead, we can't take anything out from this earth, so no point burying or burning them. I heard that my mum said that some clothes have to be put underneath the dead body to prevent the body from moving from its place when it is been carried to the cemetery. If the technology then still needs it, yeahh put those clothes I wear at home can already, I so fat sure very stable one, don't put all of my clothes in, wasted sia. Can donate it out for charity one. And horh. The coffin right, buy the cheapest enough already, no need so grand one, at last also get buried or burnt de right ? No point wasting so much of money on it.
What should you all do with my ashes ? Well, I think you all can put it in a peaceful place. I don't know whether is it allowed to put outside the church LOLOLOL maybe not larhh, you all can put it around my house I'm staying as I think I have a lot of memories growing up in it, or you all can put it in my mum's hometown there, there's many beaches that are really peaceful and beautiful. Of course I don't believe in anything of ashes must be kept properly arhh, or if it is not properly handled, I will feel unhappy or so. So yeahh, if it is really troublesome to you all, well just put it anywhere larhh. I won't mind one.
If I am already capable to work and earn money before I pass away, well the leftover money I have must be left to my parents. They have spent a lot on me and I hope that bit of money could help them in their life. Or you all can donate it to the church. Aiyar, if I got children or grandchildren then. Confirm the dad got leave money for them de, don't worry arhh, I will find a good daddy for you all to take care of you all. But if I adopt a kid in the future without marrying, consider how old is the kid larhh. If he/she is still studying well give him/her half the money, half for my parents lurhh. But if he/she already start working then give my parents only lurhh. Don't so dependent marhh.
Ohh by then, put this memory verse as the quote larhh : " I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith. " 2 Timothy 4:7
I don't know but usually this memory verse is used, isn't it ?
This blog can then be revealed on who am I actually also. I guess I will not tell anyone except for maybe my spouse in the future only if I do have one. So yeah, by then can be revealed larhh, not really necessary also.
I think I've wrote almost all the stuff that is needed. I hope I didn't miss out anything. But do remember, I'm not really particular on everything, just make life easy, don't trouble people so much. A simple one will do. And arhh, don't put my face on newspapers arhh. I know it may seemed silly writing all this and I have to emphasize again that I am not commit suiciding, I won't do things to harm myself. I think the reason why I write this is that, our lives are sometimes too fragile and we never know what will happen tommorow larhh. And right, I think I don't want to like ended up having a really grand one and I also don't want to see my family and friends worrying and feeling sad as my biggest wish of all when I die is to not let them cry for me.